I had been praying and seeking the Lord because I had gained a couple of pounds and crying out to Him about what a struggle this is and has been nearly my entire life.
The answer I got was that when I am off track, as all of us get offtrack sometimes, it is a lack of humility. I get too confident and start relying on my own strength and my own performance instead of on Him.
The other things He has shown me are that everything will fall into line in my life when I truly put Him first and that when my motive is His glory instead of my own this will work. When I do these things not only will the weight come off but it will stay off. So my struggle is not to lose weight but to put Him and His desires above my own and to walk in humility and obedience.
My motives can't be to look cute, fit into a certain size, have people praise me, or to get attention. My motives must be for His glory.
Having said this, I will tell you a little about the bout with anorexia when I was about 14.
When I released all of this weight I got lots of attention. People telling me how good I looked and noticing me for the first time in a positive way. My Mother even started being nicer to me and bought me some new clothes. I thought if thin was good thinner would be better. I dieted until I weighed 117 which according to the bmi charts would be ok but for someone with my bone structure it is not enough. My ribs and clavicle stuck out, my pelvic bones protruded, menses stopped, my hair fell out and I became hypothyroid. My Mother took me to the Doctor. Back then there was not a term anorexia that I knew of. The Doctor told me I was too thin. He told me about what he thought I should weigh. Since I dieted because the boys at school said awful things about my body, my mind was very sensitive to what anyone said about this. Thank God the Doctor did tell me this, though, because I started eating a little more because I believed him. the bout with anorexia lasted only for about a year. I am so glad as I have seen others who have died from this.
When I continue my story I will tell about the chronic dieting and episodes of bulimia.
1 comment:
Hi, Norma. I am floored by some of the things that the Lord has taught you and has taught me. They are the same lessons. This one is key. I wish everyone could hear it...when I get off track, if I feel bigger than before or if things don't fit right...it really is a barometer about my attitude toward the Lord. Typically it is a perfect indicator that humility is NOT happening. Pride has emerged...and arrogance. It is so subtle, but so insidious. Thanks for bringing it up. Your blog is quite the ministry, Norma! Thank you!
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