Monday, April 28, 2008

Holy action

First I would like to say that as I have prayed and gotten back into online support group and on the TW boards God is giving me victory in the areas of eating breakfast the minute I get out of bed and also at bedtime. Thank you Jesus.

I will continue to post the first part of every week about what the Lord is showing me. I continue in the study of Thin Again. The chapter is chapter 9. Holy action.
Most of us put up a front. We do not want people to see us as we really are. We put distance between ouselves and others by isolating with food, books, computers, alcohol, business, or any number of things.
The truth is that as we become transparent and reveal the true person we are we give off the fragrance of Christ.
We need to put on the full armour of God instead of going to our substance. First to recognize and confess our weakness and then put on the armour of God as described in Eph. 6

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


Today I want to emphasize the importance of support. Asking for help means I have to be humble and this is not always so easy to do. I have to surrender this area of my life to the Lord and also submit to other Christians who are walking this path.
Even though I teach this, I still struggle at times. I had gotten so caught up in helping everyone else and seeing what they needed to do that I was neglecting my own support. I had skipped several weeks of my own online support group where I go to learn and receive. Thus I had gained a couple of pounds. That is always a thermometer that something is off.
I returned to that support group. I told them of my struggles. They prayed for me. someone suggested I fill out the hunger graph for a week or so which is found in the Thin Again book. Someone else told me in love that she thought I was operating in my own performance instead of yielding to God. I put these things into practice and in 8 days the weight was off. In doing the hunger graph I noticed I truly was not eating 0 to 5. I also made sure I started spending time with the Lord first thing in the morning instead of running right to breakfast whether I was hungry or not. I prayed more about this area of my life. For this to work we must submit.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

my story

I will finish my story today.
After the divorce I felt ashamed and lacked confidence and really got into the eating disorders badly. It was easier to make this my focus than to deal with my heartache. I decided I would rather die that be overweight again. I went from chronic dieting and exercise to overeating and purging and back again. I looked good on the outside but was the most messed up on the inside I had ever been.
I met a wonderful man who has loved me unconditionally and I felt cared for for the first time in my life.
Even though I had grown up in church and asked Jesus into my heart as a child I had rarely prayed or read my Bible. After getting married and having a beautiful baby I decided God was there and that He was good. I started reading my Bible, praying and going to church.
When I was 33 years old, after my second child, I went forward and totally surrendered my life to the Lord . Shortly after that I received the baptism of the Holy Ghost. Right after that I was delivered from smoking, drinking, and a very negative gossipy attitude.
However, it never occrred to me to pray about my eating. I thought I had to do this all myself and that I just had a low metabolism. So I continued on the diet and overeat roller coaster. Still purging occasionally. Maybe 3 times a year. Anything to keep from getting fat again. God just suddenly delivered me from the binging and purging. I quit doing that as my soul became more satisfied in Him.
Our pastor began teaching us about grieving out the pain of the past and telling our story. I told a lot of my story and grieved a lot but still did not pray about the eating.
Shortly after our church started my Daughter loaned me the book Weigh Down. I skimmed through it and read the part how to feed your stomach and that was the only part I paid attention to. My performance, not the spiritual principles. Once again I lost the 15 pounds I had gained only to quickly regain it plus 15 more pounds. At this point I was driving home from work after weighing and began crying and grieving and yelling and telling God I can't do this anymore, God, this has messed up my whole life. I need your help. All I had to do was ask. He then intervened. I read the Weigh Down book again and this time studied the spiritual principles and prayed about my eating. This time the weight came off. There was then a lot of controversy about Weigh Down and I began thinking maybe I shouldn't be doing this and got very confused. At that point my Daughter loaned me another book using the hunger fullness principles. This book is the plan I have continued to use and I lost the last few pounds. My weight bounced around for awhile and finally settled where it is now at my normal bmi. The weight has stayed off now for almost 4 years. When I gain 2 or 3 pounds it is a spiritual thermometer. I am usually focusing too much on food, not facing my pain and grieving it out, or getting up and eating instead of making God my top priority of the day. I also get out the hunger graph and record my hunger numbers for at least a week and find that I am slipping and really not eating 0 to 5.
Group support is of essence for me. I have a couple of live support groups and do online TW forums and classes. I know in this area I have to keep myself accountable and like the book of James says confess my faults to someone so they can pray for me.
I will continue to post about lessons the Lord is teaching me. My prayer is that at least one person will be helped and that God will be glorified.

Saturday, April 19, 2008


I have struggled with breakfast. I want to eat as soon as I get out of bed whether I am at a 0 or not. I changed my morning routine and started getting dressed, drinking some water and then doing some Bible study. Then I am not eating until I hit 0. I am amazed how good the food tastes when I am truly hungry. Also it is later, like 8am before I sense true hunger. Then it is noon before I am hungry again. The Bread of Life is starting my day much better and sustaining me so much better than physical bread.

A little more of my story.
After going through this episode of anorexia I ate more and gained some of the weight back. Then when I was 16 years old Mom died of cancer. I felt nauseated most of the time and was unable to eat very much so maintained my weight throughout Highschool. I will say that having the weight off I felt a little better about myself and doors opened that may not have if I had stayed so heavy. For one thing I had a date for the prom and was able to participate it phys ed without feeling self conscious. Also I filled out papers and was interviewed and accepted into Nursing school. During 3 years of Nursing School we got all 3 meals in the cafeteria. There was a lot of good food readily available. I took nutrition and learned a lot about different diets for weight loss and disease. When I gained a little I would put myself on a 1200 calorie diet. I told the cooks in the cafeteria and they fixed just the right amount for all 3 meals which was great.
I fluctuated by 20 pounds during that time but never got extremely overweight even though it was a struggle. I dated and married a young man during the last 6 months of school. I did this more out of loneliness than anything and the marriage ended in divorce in less than 2 years.
I will tell you more later, once again hoping someone will be helped. I will try to also include something that is helpful to me presently that you may use if so led by the Lord.

Thursday, April 17, 2008


I had been praying and seeking the Lord because I had gained a couple of pounds and crying out to Him about what a struggle this is and has been nearly my entire life.
The answer I got was that when I am off track, as all of us get offtrack sometimes, it is a lack of humility. I get too confident and start relying on my own strength and my own performance instead of on Him.
The other things He has shown me are that everything will fall into line in my life when I truly put Him first and that when my motive is His glory instead of my own this will work. When I do these things not only will the weight come off but it will stay off. So my struggle is not to lose weight but to put Him and His desires above my own and to walk in humility and obedience.
My motives can't be to look cute, fit into a certain size, have people praise me, or to get attention. My motives must be for His glory.

Having said this, I will tell you a little about the bout with anorexia when I was about 14.
When I released all of this weight I got lots of attention. People telling me how good I looked and noticing me for the first time in a positive way. My Mother even started being nicer to me and bought me some new clothes. I thought if thin was good thinner would be better. I dieted until I weighed 117 which according to the bmi charts would be ok but for someone with my bone structure it is not enough. My ribs and clavicle stuck out, my pelvic bones protruded, menses stopped, my hair fell out and I became hypothyroid. My Mother took me to the Doctor. Back then there was not a term anorexia that I knew of. The Doctor told me I was too thin. He told me about what he thought I should weigh. Since I dieted because the boys at school said awful things about my body, my mind was very sensitive to what anyone said about this. Thank God the Doctor did tell me this, though, because I started eating a little more because I believed him. the bout with anorexia lasted only for about a year. I am so glad as I have seen others who have died from this.
When I continue my story I will tell about the chronic dieting and episodes of bulimia.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

my story

Today I will tell a little more of my story and hope someone can relate.
I ended with age 8. I continued to overeat and have a relationship with food. Food was my friend that was always there to comfort me and make me feel better. It also isolated me so really was not my friend. I was unable to participate in sports or run hard and play like the other children. Plus I was the only overweight child in my class. Of course I got bullied a lot. I think overweight children are bullied worse than any other group of children. My nickname was bloat. The abuse was so bad I hid in the classroom during recess and peeked out the window at the other children to watch them play. My Mother made special clothes for me or altered them. At least my sisters and brother never picked on me at home about my weight but seemed to accept me.
When I was 12 years old I weighed 185 pounds. I am 5'2".
I overhearn my Mom and one of her friends talking about a diet in which you ate one portion of what you want for lunch and split breakfast between supper and breakfast. I thought that was a good idea. By now the teachers at school were even making little comments to me and suttle hints about my weight. I felt pretty unloved and unaccepted. My Mother and I were not getting along during this period of time either.
I started this diet I heard my Mom and her friend talking about. I did this with no support. In fact we had an Aunt living with us that said in front of the whole family that I would not stick with it and made a kind of face to which noone came to my defense.
I ate toast and juice for breakfast, ate school lunch and a bowl of cereal for supper and rode my bicycle for about an hour every evening. I continued to do this every day never letting up.
By my 14th Birthday I weighed 117 pounds. My motive was for the other children to quit making fun of me. I decided I would diet until they stopped calling me names.
The next part of my story will tell how I then had a bout with anorexia.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

8 keys

For those who are not familiar with this way of eating I will tell you about the 8 keys to conscious eating that Thin Within teaches. As an adult I had to relearn how to eat. To not only pause, reflect, and pray before eating but to learn these concepts and put them into practice.

1. Eat only when my body is hungry. This means stomach hunger. That ache or growl or whatever your signal is.
2. Eat in a calm environment by reducing distractions. That is, turn off the tv, don't answer the phone etc. We tend to eat in a hurried manner if the environment is that way.
3. I ate when I was sitting. If I eat running through the house or driving in the car I tend to eat more.
4. I ate when my body and mind were relaxed. When I am relaxed I eat more slowly and enjoy the food more.
5. I ate and drank the things my body enjoyed. No more diet foods or food rules for me.
6. I paid attention to my food while eating. When I pay attention I not only enjoy my meal more, but also tend to eat more slowly.
7. I ate slowly savoring each bite. I have noticed it takes time for me to sense satisfaction. If I eat too fast I go beyond that point.
8. I stopped before my body was full. To me this is when the hunger disappears. If I eat to the point of slight fullness I have eaten too much.
It takes about a fistful, or some say a cupful, to reach that point.
I will tell more of my story at a later post. I wanted to share this today.

Monday, April 14, 2008

my story

I will tell you my story in several different writings. My hope and prayer is that God will be glorified and that someone that reads this will find help.
Perhaps my story is somewhat like your story.
My earliest memories of being overweight are when I was about 8 years old. I remember being larger than the other children. I know that I began a relationship with food even at that age. I sat in the back seat of the car after trick or treating and ate the whole bag of candy in about 10 minutes. I remember eating a whole stack of pancakes for supper and sneaking into my Moms desserts and eating a good portion before it could be served.
I think what triggered this was feeling ashamed of who I was and since negative emotional expresssions such as anger were not allowed in my home I learned to stuff them.
I fell and broke my nose when I was 5 and it was mashed to the side of my face. The plastic surgeeon would not do surgery until I reached my full growth so I spent my childhood looking very odd. I became ashamed of my face and always tried to keep my hand over my nose so noone could see how ugly I was.

That is enough of my story for today. Man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart.
For those of us who have struggled with eating disorders there is usually an emotional hurt underneath. If we can get to the root of that and grieve out the hurt and bring our honest feelings before the Lord He will begin to heal us.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Holy struggle

As I just read in the book Thin Again by Arthur and Judy Halliday, This is indeed a Holy struggle.
The flesh versus the Spirit. The flesh wants to overeat and go to food for emotional needs. The Lord wants me to have self control and do all things for the glory of God.
As I go to the Lord to meet my needs the desire for food becomes less.
When I ask Him for ways of escape and to lead me not into temptation but deliver me from evil, He will gladly repond. My part is to heed His voice and obey Him and not what my flesh wants.