I read the book of Galatians this morning. I thought how much we can apply the lessons in this book of the Bible to our eating. We are no longer under the law. We live by asking and allowing the Holy Spirit who lives within us to guide our eating.
I am making a couple of changes. I am finding that coffee is not a whole body pleaser for me and rich holiday treats are not whole body pleasers for me. The treats are causing me to feel sluggish and the coffee stimulates my bladder and my appetite.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
More about Holidays
Help me, Lord to not make Holidays an excuse to get back into old habits of lusting after food. Help me to exalt you and to put you first. You truly are the Bread of Life. Help me to come to you for all my needs instead of turning to food or business. Help me to be a good example of self discipline and obedience esp. during this season of the celebration of your birth. Happy Birthaday,Jesus.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Holidays
I want to glorify God in my eating as well as in all areas of my life. I spent hours with the Lord on Thanksgiving from 5am until 9am. I decided that if Jesus needed to spend all night in prayer before choosing His disciples I need to spend at least that much time in prayer and in the Word before tempting situations. I was so richly blessed. The day went smoothly and without dysfunction or strife, which is unusual when we get together. My Daughter even commented on how relaxed I seemed, which is also unusual for me since I do not believe the gift of hospitality has been one of my gifts. I did not overeat and the rich food did not even appeal to me. I experienced unspeakable peace and joy not only that evening and day but also the next day.
What a lesson for me. Abide in Him.
The answer is so simple and I make it so complicated.
What a lesson for me. Abide in Him.
The answer is so simple and I make it so complicated.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
a breaking of my will
During early prayer at Church this morning the thought came to me that I am like a wild horse that had to be brought into the will of its Master in order to be used for the purpose for which it was created. I weep as my will is being broken and as I pray over and over again, not my will but thine be done, Jesus.
It is my will to overeat because it tastes good and temporarily relieves stress. It is God's will that I glorify Him in my body because my body is the Temple of the Holy Ghost.
I think how Jesus gave up His place of glory to come to earth and that all He did was to glorify the Father and how he agonized in Gethsemane when He yielded to the Father's will that night.
I had many selfish dreams for my retirement. To travel, lay around and read novels, rest a lot, spend lots of time running around with my Husband. Not so. Christians who retire do not get to retire. We are here a short period of time and to live for self is not the desire of the heart of God.
How does God feel about the homeless and the Fatherless? We can easily find that out in the Word. My desire is to have the house to ourselves. We have one of our adult children living with us who would otherwise be living on the streets. Help me to be happy with your will, God. We help care for Grandchildren two of whom have a Father who is not there often and another whose Father is very sick and unable to be a Father. Not my will but thine be done, God. Help me be happy with your will.
In the food area, the old me would have thought I will eat whatever and however much I want on Thanksgiving. The will of God is that I glorify Him even on this day and that I focus on Him and my relationship with Him and on my relationship with others and not be a glutton on that day but to show others that I can be happy without worship of food or self.
It is my will to overeat because it tastes good and temporarily relieves stress. It is God's will that I glorify Him in my body because my body is the Temple of the Holy Ghost.
I think how Jesus gave up His place of glory to come to earth and that all He did was to glorify the Father and how he agonized in Gethsemane when He yielded to the Father's will that night.
I had many selfish dreams for my retirement. To travel, lay around and read novels, rest a lot, spend lots of time running around with my Husband. Not so. Christians who retire do not get to retire. We are here a short period of time and to live for self is not the desire of the heart of God.
How does God feel about the homeless and the Fatherless? We can easily find that out in the Word. My desire is to have the house to ourselves. We have one of our adult children living with us who would otherwise be living on the streets. Help me to be happy with your will, God. We help care for Grandchildren two of whom have a Father who is not there often and another whose Father is very sick and unable to be a Father. Not my will but thine be done, God. Help me be happy with your will.
In the food area, the old me would have thought I will eat whatever and however much I want on Thanksgiving. The will of God is that I glorify Him even on this day and that I focus on Him and my relationship with Him and on my relationship with others and not be a glutton on that day but to show others that I can be happy without worship of food or self.
Monday, November 10, 2008
living in the Spirit
In my eating and in everything am I living according to the flesh or according to the Spirit.
I am sad to say that much of the time I live in the flesh. Our mind must be set on the things of the Spirit. Col. 3:2
If I am living in the flesh I dwell on past failures, disappointments, or victories.
I dwell on the future. On what my fantasy life will be like.
I dwell on my plans, agenda, and way of doing things independent of God.
I dwell on and compare myself to others.
I dwell on food and eating or some other pleasure of the flesh.
When I live according to the Spirit
I dwell on God's provision.
I live and enjoy the present life in the present.
I dwell on God's Word and my identity in Christ
I dwell on His will, agenda, and enabling grace.
This provides a sense of peace as I trust God while melting down to my natural size. Romans 8: 6
This lesson from workbook number 2 really spoke to me. Lord help me live according to the Spirit not the flesh. Help me cast down every thought and imagination that exalts itself above the knowledge of Jesus Christ not only in eating but in all I do and to give you the glory, Dear Father God.
I am sad to say that much of the time I live in the flesh. Our mind must be set on the things of the Spirit. Col. 3:2
If I am living in the flesh I dwell on past failures, disappointments, or victories.
I dwell on the future. On what my fantasy life will be like.
I dwell on my plans, agenda, and way of doing things independent of God.
I dwell on and compare myself to others.
I dwell on food and eating or some other pleasure of the flesh.
When I live according to the Spirit
I dwell on God's provision.
I live and enjoy the present life in the present.
I dwell on God's Word and my identity in Christ
I dwell on His will, agenda, and enabling grace.
This provides a sense of peace as I trust God while melting down to my natural size. Romans 8: 6
This lesson from workbook number 2 really spoke to me. Lord help me live according to the Spirit not the flesh. Help me cast down every thought and imagination that exalts itself above the knowledge of Jesus Christ not only in eating but in all I do and to give you the glory, Dear Father God.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
the key
I am going through TW workbook number 2. I have gone through this before but this time something really jumped out at me that did not jump out the first time. A section of this lesson says that the key is to quit trying by our own strength and start trusting by faith.
Faith involves turning away from the law and trusting in the Holy Spirit as we walk in the power of God's transforming grace.
Reexamine your hunger numbers and make adjustments
Observe and correct by the leading of the Spirit.
Pay attention to how your body responds to various foods.
Continue to taste God's Word and see that the Lord is good.
God knows what I need and when I need it. I got really offtrack on my eating 2 or 3 times in the last couple of weeks. He feeds me His Word and speaks to me just exactly what I need when I need it and how much I need. If I follow the lead of the Lord He will do this with my food and eating times as well. I just need to trust and obey.
Faith involves turning away from the law and trusting in the Holy Spirit as we walk in the power of God's transforming grace.
Reexamine your hunger numbers and make adjustments
Observe and correct by the leading of the Spirit.
Pay attention to how your body responds to various foods.
Continue to taste God's Word and see that the Lord is good.
God knows what I need and when I need it. I got really offtrack on my eating 2 or 3 times in the last couple of weeks. He feeds me His Word and speaks to me just exactly what I need when I need it and how much I need. If I follow the lead of the Lord He will do this with my food and eating times as well. I just need to trust and obey.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Listen
It is so true that we need to learn to listen to our bodies. I do not believe that our bodies will lie to us.
When my body tells me I am hungry, I neeed to eat. When it tells me I am no longer hungry I need to stop eating.
I had been working very hard gardening, babysitting and cleaning. Yesterday my body said it was time to rest. I took a nap, slept all night and feel better today but I am still tired so I am getting extra rest again. It is a temptation to drink something with caffeine or eat something with sugar to give myself a boost, but in the long run this would not benefit me.
What is your body telling you today?
When my body tells me I am hungry, I neeed to eat. When it tells me I am no longer hungry I need to stop eating.
I had been working very hard gardening, babysitting and cleaning. Yesterday my body said it was time to rest. I took a nap, slept all night and feel better today but I am still tired so I am getting extra rest again. It is a temptation to drink something with caffeine or eat something with sugar to give myself a boost, but in the long run this would not benefit me.
What is your body telling you today?
Monday, September 29, 2008
surrender and boundaries
I am talking about surrender and boundaries this evening at Thin Within. Lord, help me to practice what I preach. Help me to acknowledge you in all my ways and you will direct my paths. Help me to ask for wisdom, because as I ask for wisdom you are more than willing to give me wisdom. Help me to set Godly boundaries and allow only in my life, property, and body what you want. In Jesus Name, Amen
Monday, September 22, 2008
Love
We had 2 good messages at church yesterday. In the morning it was about seizing the moment. In the evening about love.
Today God is speaking to me more about love. What would happen if I would stop before every action and word and pray and think is this love?
Love God and love people. This really is what God wants from us.
Part of loving God is caring for my body since this is His creation. Part of loving people is caring for my body.
After working in the medical field for over 40 years I have found that if I do not take care of myself someone else will have to do that. This is how loving people comes into play.
Today God is speaking to me more about love. What would happen if I would stop before every action and word and pray and think is this love?
Love God and love people. This really is what God wants from us.
Part of loving God is caring for my body since this is His creation. Part of loving people is caring for my body.
After working in the medical field for over 40 years I have found that if I do not take care of myself someone else will have to do that. This is how loving people comes into play.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
reflex or reflect
I love part 2 of chapter 8 from the book Thin Again. I want to learn to apply this to every area of my life.
When tempted to react to anger with anger or to arguing with arguing I want to learn to pause, think, pray and listen to God before speaking.
When I am tempted to binge or overeat I want to be able to pause, pray and listen before acting.
Help me to hear your voice, Lord and to obey you in everything. Help me to know your Word so well that I will automatically know what to do according to your Word.
When tempted to react to anger with anger or to arguing with arguing I want to learn to pause, think, pray and listen to God before speaking.
When I am tempted to binge or overeat I want to be able to pause, pray and listen before acting.
Help me to hear your voice, Lord and to obey you in everything. Help me to know your Word so well that I will automatically know what to do according to your Word.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Victory
I am thinking of all of the changes that have gradually taken place in my heart and my eating habits since beginning this program.
I learned of TW in 2004 and began practicing the things taught. I had done WD before. I have now been at my ideal body weight for over 4 years. Within my normal bmi since Jan. of 2004 and at my current weight since Nov. of 2004.
I have never maintained weight in my life for more than about a year and a half. In my heart I know this is a permanent thing because for the first time I have included God and have not tried to do this in my own strength.
Some of the victories I have had:
Last night my husband and I went to the movies. We were about the only ones there without popcorn, candy, and drinks. Do you know that I did not even want any? I just wanted to hold my husbands hand and enjoy the movie.
I rarely think about food unless I am hungry. If I do think about food when not hungry I know something else is bothering me that needs dealt with.
I have not binged in over 4 years.
I rarely eat when not hungry or beyond satisfied.
I enjoy my meals and what I eat for the first time in my life.
I no longer take body measuremnts or weigh.
I am at peace with my body. Wrinkles, gray hair and all.
I no longer worry about my shape or size. I pray a lot about my eating, don't eat unless hungry, stop when satisfied and leave the results up to my loving Heavenly Father.
I thank you so much, Jesus for making these changes in me. I would have never thought it possible to be set free from this bondage of over 40 years, but you have set me free and I am free indeed.
I learned of TW in 2004 and began practicing the things taught. I had done WD before. I have now been at my ideal body weight for over 4 years. Within my normal bmi since Jan. of 2004 and at my current weight since Nov. of 2004.
I have never maintained weight in my life for more than about a year and a half. In my heart I know this is a permanent thing because for the first time I have included God and have not tried to do this in my own strength.
Some of the victories I have had:
Last night my husband and I went to the movies. We were about the only ones there without popcorn, candy, and drinks. Do you know that I did not even want any? I just wanted to hold my husbands hand and enjoy the movie.
I rarely think about food unless I am hungry. If I do think about food when not hungry I know something else is bothering me that needs dealt with.
I have not binged in over 4 years.
I rarely eat when not hungry or beyond satisfied.
I enjoy my meals and what I eat for the first time in my life.
I no longer take body measuremnts or weigh.
I am at peace with my body. Wrinkles, gray hair and all.
I no longer worry about my shape or size. I pray a lot about my eating, don't eat unless hungry, stop when satisfied and leave the results up to my loving Heavenly Father.
I thank you so much, Jesus for making these changes in me. I would have never thought it possible to be set free from this bondage of over 40 years, but you have set me free and I am free indeed.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Prayer
Prayer does change things. Most of all it changes me. I am working on the first TW workbook and the topic this week is prayer. It is such a privilege to live today under the new Covenant. To know that because of Jesus we can go into the Holy of Holies.
I find it interesting that as I pray for a person who has offended me I start having a heart change and get a whole new perspective.
I find it interesting that as I pray for a person who has offended me I start having a heart change and get a whole new perspective.
Monday, August 18, 2008
He is the Lord that healeth
I have found that in leading support groups and in one on one counsel I receive more than I could ever give.
In both support groups I have been talking about the importance of hitting this healing hard so we can leave the past behind. I am trying to practice what I am asking of others.
As I work through the past and unwrap the grave clothes and allow God and others to help me in this process I can sense healing in my own soul.
As I have journaled and prayed about my childhood and talked to others about it truth has come forth.
I had a memory of when my Mom was talking on the phone and had apple pie cut in pieces cooling on the table for the threshers to eat. I did not think she could see me so I took a bite of each piece of pie. One piece I took a big bite out of. My Mom really shamed me for doing this.
I was about 7 years old. My punishment was to eat with all those men at the dinner table. My Sister served me the half eaten piece of pie after the other men were served there pie and she said "here is your piece of pie". The family really smiled about that. I felt ashamed of eating even then. Like I did not even deserve to eat. I felt like I had to hide to eat. This feeling later manifested in binging, bulimia, and anorexia.
I know my Mom did the best she could but what I needed was for her or someone to talk to me about why I felt the need to hide and eat. The last thing I needed was more shame heaped on me in front of a table full of men.
I am so glad I can tell the Lord how I feel about all of this and even in old age it is not too late to receive healing.
As I talked to the Lord about this and cried until I was exausted the load started feeling lighter.
After I was done journaling, crying, and praying I just sat quietly in the Lords presence. After a few minutes I heard Him singing to me in my spirit. " I am the Lord that healeth thee I am the Lord your Healer. I forgive all your sins I heal all your disease. I am the Lord that healeth.
In both support groups I have been talking about the importance of hitting this healing hard so we can leave the past behind. I am trying to practice what I am asking of others.
As I work through the past and unwrap the grave clothes and allow God and others to help me in this process I can sense healing in my own soul.
As I have journaled and prayed about my childhood and talked to others about it truth has come forth.
I had a memory of when my Mom was talking on the phone and had apple pie cut in pieces cooling on the table for the threshers to eat. I did not think she could see me so I took a bite of each piece of pie. One piece I took a big bite out of. My Mom really shamed me for doing this.
I was about 7 years old. My punishment was to eat with all those men at the dinner table. My Sister served me the half eaten piece of pie after the other men were served there pie and she said "here is your piece of pie". The family really smiled about that. I felt ashamed of eating even then. Like I did not even deserve to eat. I felt like I had to hide to eat. This feeling later manifested in binging, bulimia, and anorexia.
I know my Mom did the best she could but what I needed was for her or someone to talk to me about why I felt the need to hide and eat. The last thing I needed was more shame heaped on me in front of a table full of men.
I am so glad I can tell the Lord how I feel about all of this and even in old age it is not too late to receive healing.
As I talked to the Lord about this and cried until I was exausted the load started feeling lighter.
After I was done journaling, crying, and praying I just sat quietly in the Lords presence. After a few minutes I heard Him singing to me in my spirit. " I am the Lord that healeth thee I am the Lord your Healer. I forgive all your sins I heal all your disease. I am the Lord that healeth.
Friday, August 15, 2008
forgive
I am journaling about my journey in life and as I journal I pray, grieve, and sometimes talk to a person about it. I am finding that as I get rid of the garbage in my life and learn to forgive myself and others I am not as concerned about eating or my body and I rarely overeat. This works. God is good. He is faithful.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
inner healing
I woke up at 130 am on Thursday and felt like the Lord was speaking to me. Memories of childhood and previous times in my life were coming to me. How I had felt so alone and like I had to do it all myself. I attached to food, work, books, and relationships. I am learning to let go of these false gods and turn to the Lord for all my needs.
My God will supply all my needs according to His riches in glory.
My God will supply all my needs according to His riches in glory.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
key 5
This is my favorite key. I was on legalistic diets for so long with a lot of food rules. It still amazes me that I can eat foods I really enjoy and feel good and still maintain the weight release. Before maintenance I was amazed that I actually released weight while eating my favorite foods.
Today our neighbor brought homemade applesauce which was still warm. I went to town and bought icecream and had that applesauce with icecream for lunch and nothing else. I was at a strong 0 so it really tasted good. Thank you God for this new found freedom
I also must remember that even though all things are lawful not all things are beneficial. Also to eat in moderation and always invite God to guide decisions.
For example I like the taste of folgers coffee in the evening but if I drink it I am awake most of the night so it is not a good choice for me. I like pizza but have swelling in my fingers and legs if I eat a couple of pieces so it is not a good choice.
Today our neighbor brought homemade applesauce which was still warm. I went to town and bought icecream and had that applesauce with icecream for lunch and nothing else. I was at a strong 0 so it really tasted good. Thank you God for this new found freedom
I also must remember that even though all things are lawful not all things are beneficial. Also to eat in moderation and always invite God to guide decisions.
For example I like the taste of folgers coffee in the evening but if I drink it I am awake most of the night so it is not a good choice for me. I like pizza but have swelling in my fingers and legs if I eat a couple of pieces so it is not a good choice.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
weightism
What is weightism? Weightism is the same as racism or being sexist. Do we accept ouselves right now the way we are or are we being weightist against ourselves. Do we allow others to be weightist with us?
If I can't accept and love myself when I am heavy I probably will not when not heavy. If I do release the weight without accepting myself I will probably be weightist toward others who are struggling when the weight is released.
Are there any areas of prejudice in my life that are displeasing to the Lord who loves all people, all shapes and all sizes.
If I can't accept and love myself when I am heavy I probably will not when not heavy. If I do release the weight without accepting myself I will probably be weightist toward others who are struggling when the weight is released.
Are there any areas of prejudice in my life that are displeasing to the Lord who loves all people, all shapes and all sizes.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
valuable
This morning during my prayer and Bible study I felt like the Lord was telling me that He loves me. That I am valuable and precious to Him. He loves me enough to die for me.
Oh Lord, if only we could see ourselves through your eyes. I wept as you told me of your love. Forgive me Lord for the way I have treated this body and soul that you regard as precious. That you created. Forgive me for the way I have allowed others to treat me, your prized possession. Help me to treat myself and others as valuable and loved. To see us the way you see us.
In Jesus Name, Amen
Oh Lord, if only we could see ourselves through your eyes. I wept as you told me of your love. Forgive me Lord for the way I have treated this body and soul that you regard as precious. That you created. Forgive me for the way I have allowed others to treat me, your prized possession. Help me to treat myself and others as valuable and loved. To see us the way you see us.
In Jesus Name, Amen
Monday, June 23, 2008
observe and correct
This has been a fun month socially with many reunions and celebrations but a difficult month with eating temptations.
There have been so many events with lots of rich food available. I have prayed and read the Word and have still given in at times eating beyond 5 and eating before 0.
I am so glad God gives many chances to observe and correct, or confess and repent.
Galatians 5:1b tells me to stand firm,then, and do not let ourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
In TW workbook it tells me to allow the Spirit to be my fresh beginning each time I need Him.
Rather than looking for and external do or don't look to Jesus for guidance.
Lord, help me please as I go on vacation for 10 days to not yield to temptation but to glorify you not only in what I eat and drink, but also in what I say and do. Please give me opportunities to speak up for you. In Jesus Name, Amen
There have been so many events with lots of rich food available. I have prayed and read the Word and have still given in at times eating beyond 5 and eating before 0.
I am so glad God gives many chances to observe and correct, or confess and repent.
Galatians 5:1b tells me to stand firm,then, and do not let ourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
In TW workbook it tells me to allow the Spirit to be my fresh beginning each time I need Him.
Rather than looking for and external do or don't look to Jesus for guidance.
Lord, help me please as I go on vacation for 10 days to not yield to temptation but to glorify you not only in what I eat and drink, but also in what I say and do. Please give me opportunities to speak up for you. In Jesus Name, Amen
Monday, June 16, 2008
Grace versus legalism
We have a monthly support group at my Church in addition to the weekly community support group.
This month we are challenged to pray for a greater sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. For this month to ask God how much, what, and when to eat and then to obey.
In addition to this to grieve out the pain of why we have focused on food or eating laws to avoid facing what is going on with us.
Grace is freedom that conforms us from within. Legalism is bondage that constrains us from without.
Do I want to achieve a certain weight at all costs?
Do I think losing weight will solve all my problems?
Am I focusing on my weight, a diet, or even the 8 keys to avoid the deeper issues?
I challenge myself and all of us to go back to that time in our lives when we used these things to escape.
Thin Within Temptaion Busters:
STOP: Stop and flee from evil desires. 1 Corinthinians 14: 20
LOOK: Look for God's prepared path and turn away from temptations. Jeremiah 6:16
LISTEN: Listen to His voice as you draw on His grace and power to pursue godliness. John 10:27
OBEY: As you do what He asks you will experience joy! John 15: 10 and 11
This month we are challenged to pray for a greater sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. For this month to ask God how much, what, and when to eat and then to obey.
In addition to this to grieve out the pain of why we have focused on food or eating laws to avoid facing what is going on with us.
Grace is freedom that conforms us from within. Legalism is bondage that constrains us from without.
Do I want to achieve a certain weight at all costs?
Do I think losing weight will solve all my problems?
Am I focusing on my weight, a diet, or even the 8 keys to avoid the deeper issues?
I challenge myself and all of us to go back to that time in our lives when we used these things to escape.
Thin Within Temptaion Busters:
STOP: Stop and flee from evil desires. 1 Corinthinians 14: 20
LOOK: Look for God's prepared path and turn away from temptations. Jeremiah 6:16
LISTEN: Listen to His voice as you draw on His grace and power to pursue godliness. John 10:27
OBEY: As you do what He asks you will experience joy! John 15: 10 and 11
Monday, June 2, 2008
victory
As I have submitted to the grieving process and allowed God and others to remove the graveclothes from me I am seeing victory in my life.
In May I attended my allschool alumni banquet as well as my class reunion.
Due to the pain of my past I had felt unable to go to the alumni banquet for years and had never gone to a class reunion.
As I speak openly about the pain of my past and grieve and allow others to help with this unwrapping, I am able to remember good times in the past. When I refused to face the ugly I also blocked out the good. I was able to visit with and enjoy these people at both occasions.
I was able to focus on relationship instead of food. At one time I would have buried my face in the food if I did go to keep from connecting.
In May I attended my allschool alumni banquet as well as my class reunion.
Due to the pain of my past I had felt unable to go to the alumni banquet for years and had never gone to a class reunion.
As I speak openly about the pain of my past and grieve and allow others to help with this unwrapping, I am able to remember good times in the past. When I refused to face the ugly I also blocked out the good. I was able to visit with and enjoy these people at both occasions.
I was able to focus on relationship instead of food. At one time I would have buried my face in the food if I did go to keep from connecting.
Monday, May 26, 2008
struggles
No matter how long I have been doing this I still have attacks. There is nothing satan would like better than to derail me in this area and to destroy my testimony. My motive is to glorify God in this.
I weighed at the Doctors office and weighed the same as I did about a year ago during my last visit. I was so happy. I can really trust God with my body.
Then I started focusing on food, overeating, and getting a little too relaxed in this area.
Our Pastor Doug gave a sermon that after success is when we really need to be aware. Help me Lord to not give into temptation.
I weighed at the Doctors office and weighed the same as I did about a year ago during my last visit. I was so happy. I can really trust God with my body.
Then I started focusing on food, overeating, and getting a little too relaxed in this area.
Our Pastor Doug gave a sermon that after success is when we really need to be aware. Help me Lord to not give into temptation.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
who we are in Him
I love the workbooks! I am on week 3 which has lessons about who we are in Christ. I am a new creation. I am a brand new person. The old has gone the new has come. I am valuable and precious. Jesus loves me just as I am. He died for my sins. Past present and future sins.
Oh God, if only we could catch just a glimpse of your love. I pray for a great revelation of your love. Of how deep and wide and great your love is. Help us to know you better and to see how good you are.
Thank you for loving us.
Oh God, if only we could catch just a glimpse of your love. I pray for a great revelation of your love. Of how deep and wide and great your love is. Help us to know you better and to see how good you are.
Thank you for loving us.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
progress
I usually only weigh once a month. It had been close to a month and I had access to scales so weighed today. I was pleased that I am still maintaining. I give God the Glory.
The scales really aren't that necessary. I can tell by the way my clothes fit and just by the way I feel about what I weigh.
I also know that if I truly try to put God first, pay attention to my body signals, and only eat 0 to 5 or between hunger and fullness, I will maintain this weight.
I am having 1Cor. 6 verses 19 and 20 as my memory verse this week as I go through TW workbook number one.
These verses speak of our body being the Temple of the Holy Ghost and to therefore honor God with our bodies.
I have spent a lot of time in tears repenting for the ways I have defiled my Temple. It is really God's. He created me. To think of the smoking, drinking, overeating, undereating, purging, binging. How sad these things must make Him. I truly want to glorify Him and to care for any precious gift He has given me.
Forgive me Father.
The scales really aren't that necessary. I can tell by the way my clothes fit and just by the way I feel about what I weigh.
I also know that if I truly try to put God first, pay attention to my body signals, and only eat 0 to 5 or between hunger and fullness, I will maintain this weight.
I am having 1Cor. 6 verses 19 and 20 as my memory verse this week as I go through TW workbook number one.
These verses speak of our body being the Temple of the Holy Ghost and to therefore honor God with our bodies.
I have spent a lot of time in tears repenting for the ways I have defiled my Temple. It is really God's. He created me. To think of the smoking, drinking, overeating, undereating, purging, binging. How sad these things must make Him. I truly want to glorify Him and to care for any precious gift He has given me.
Forgive me Father.
Monday, May 5, 2008
listening
I enjoyed reading the last chapter of Thin Again today. The essence of the chapter is that quiet and silence are needed in order to hear from God.
We discussed that listening to God and obeying are more important than asking for so much so often.
One woman suggested we meditate and pray on scripture and ask God what He wants to show us through that scripture and then listen.
Another way is to meditate on the attributes of God. For example, Healer, Redeemer, Provider, Protector.
In Thin Within we need to get quiet before we can read our body signals of hunger and satisfaction. The environment needs to be calm and quiet so we can taste and enjoy our food and have it digest properly.
God will guide and direct our eating and every other area of our lives.
We discussed that listening to God and obeying are more important than asking for so much so often.
One woman suggested we meditate and pray on scripture and ask God what He wants to show us through that scripture and then listen.
Another way is to meditate on the attributes of God. For example, Healer, Redeemer, Provider, Protector.
In Thin Within we need to get quiet before we can read our body signals of hunger and satisfaction. The environment needs to be calm and quiet so we can taste and enjoy our food and have it digest properly.
God will guide and direct our eating and every other area of our lives.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Holy action
First I would like to say that as I have prayed and gotten back into online support group and on the TW boards God is giving me victory in the areas of eating breakfast the minute I get out of bed and also at bedtime. Thank you Jesus.
I will continue to post the first part of every week about what the Lord is showing me. I continue in the study of Thin Again. The chapter is chapter 9. Holy action.
Most of us put up a front. We do not want people to see us as we really are. We put distance between ouselves and others by isolating with food, books, computers, alcohol, business, or any number of things.
The truth is that as we become transparent and reveal the true person we are we give off the fragrance of Christ.
We need to put on the full armour of God instead of going to our substance. First to recognize and confess our weakness and then put on the armour of God as described in Eph. 6
I will continue to post the first part of every week about what the Lord is showing me. I continue in the study of Thin Again. The chapter is chapter 9. Holy action.
Most of us put up a front. We do not want people to see us as we really are. We put distance between ouselves and others by isolating with food, books, computers, alcohol, business, or any number of things.
The truth is that as we become transparent and reveal the true person we are we give off the fragrance of Christ.
We need to put on the full armour of God instead of going to our substance. First to recognize and confess our weakness and then put on the armour of God as described in Eph. 6
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
support
Today I want to emphasize the importance of support. Asking for help means I have to be humble and this is not always so easy to do. I have to surrender this area of my life to the Lord and also submit to other Christians who are walking this path.
Even though I teach this, I still struggle at times. I had gotten so caught up in helping everyone else and seeing what they needed to do that I was neglecting my own support. I had skipped several weeks of my own online support group where I go to learn and receive. Thus I had gained a couple of pounds. That is always a thermometer that something is off.
I returned to that support group. I told them of my struggles. They prayed for me. someone suggested I fill out the hunger graph for a week or so which is found in the Thin Again book. Someone else told me in love that she thought I was operating in my own performance instead of yielding to God. I put these things into practice and in 8 days the weight was off. In doing the hunger graph I noticed I truly was not eating 0 to 5. I also made sure I started spending time with the Lord first thing in the morning instead of running right to breakfast whether I was hungry or not. I prayed more about this area of my life. For this to work we must submit.
Even though I teach this, I still struggle at times. I had gotten so caught up in helping everyone else and seeing what they needed to do that I was neglecting my own support. I had skipped several weeks of my own online support group where I go to learn and receive. Thus I had gained a couple of pounds. That is always a thermometer that something is off.
I returned to that support group. I told them of my struggles. They prayed for me. someone suggested I fill out the hunger graph for a week or so which is found in the Thin Again book. Someone else told me in love that she thought I was operating in my own performance instead of yielding to God. I put these things into practice and in 8 days the weight was off. In doing the hunger graph I noticed I truly was not eating 0 to 5. I also made sure I started spending time with the Lord first thing in the morning instead of running right to breakfast whether I was hungry or not. I prayed more about this area of my life. For this to work we must submit.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
my story
I will finish my story today.
After the divorce I felt ashamed and lacked confidence and really got into the eating disorders badly. It was easier to make this my focus than to deal with my heartache. I decided I would rather die that be overweight again. I went from chronic dieting and exercise to overeating and purging and back again. I looked good on the outside but was the most messed up on the inside I had ever been.
I met a wonderful man who has loved me unconditionally and I felt cared for for the first time in my life.
Even though I had grown up in church and asked Jesus into my heart as a child I had rarely prayed or read my Bible. After getting married and having a beautiful baby I decided God was there and that He was good. I started reading my Bible, praying and going to church.
When I was 33 years old, after my second child, I went forward and totally surrendered my life to the Lord . Shortly after that I received the baptism of the Holy Ghost. Right after that I was delivered from smoking, drinking, and a very negative gossipy attitude.
However, it never occrred to me to pray about my eating. I thought I had to do this all myself and that I just had a low metabolism. So I continued on the diet and overeat roller coaster. Still purging occasionally. Maybe 3 times a year. Anything to keep from getting fat again. God just suddenly delivered me from the binging and purging. I quit doing that as my soul became more satisfied in Him.
Our pastor began teaching us about grieving out the pain of the past and telling our story. I told a lot of my story and grieved a lot but still did not pray about the eating.
Shortly after our church started my Daughter loaned me the book Weigh Down. I skimmed through it and read the part how to feed your stomach and that was the only part I paid attention to. My performance, not the spiritual principles. Once again I lost the 15 pounds I had gained only to quickly regain it plus 15 more pounds. At this point I was driving home from work after weighing and began crying and grieving and yelling and telling God I can't do this anymore, God, this has messed up my whole life. I need your help. All I had to do was ask. He then intervened. I read the Weigh Down book again and this time studied the spiritual principles and prayed about my eating. This time the weight came off. There was then a lot of controversy about Weigh Down and I began thinking maybe I shouldn't be doing this and got very confused. At that point my Daughter loaned me another book using the hunger fullness principles. This book is the plan I have continued to use and I lost the last few pounds. My weight bounced around for awhile and finally settled where it is now at my normal bmi. The weight has stayed off now for almost 4 years. When I gain 2 or 3 pounds it is a spiritual thermometer. I am usually focusing too much on food, not facing my pain and grieving it out, or getting up and eating instead of making God my top priority of the day. I also get out the hunger graph and record my hunger numbers for at least a week and find that I am slipping and really not eating 0 to 5.
Group support is of essence for me. I have a couple of live support groups and do online TW forums and classes. I know in this area I have to keep myself accountable and like the book of James says confess my faults to someone so they can pray for me.
I will continue to post about lessons the Lord is teaching me. My prayer is that at least one person will be helped and that God will be glorified.
After the divorce I felt ashamed and lacked confidence and really got into the eating disorders badly. It was easier to make this my focus than to deal with my heartache. I decided I would rather die that be overweight again. I went from chronic dieting and exercise to overeating and purging and back again. I looked good on the outside but was the most messed up on the inside I had ever been.
I met a wonderful man who has loved me unconditionally and I felt cared for for the first time in my life.
Even though I had grown up in church and asked Jesus into my heart as a child I had rarely prayed or read my Bible. After getting married and having a beautiful baby I decided God was there and that He was good. I started reading my Bible, praying and going to church.
When I was 33 years old, after my second child, I went forward and totally surrendered my life to the Lord . Shortly after that I received the baptism of the Holy Ghost. Right after that I was delivered from smoking, drinking, and a very negative gossipy attitude.
However, it never occrred to me to pray about my eating. I thought I had to do this all myself and that I just had a low metabolism. So I continued on the diet and overeat roller coaster. Still purging occasionally. Maybe 3 times a year. Anything to keep from getting fat again. God just suddenly delivered me from the binging and purging. I quit doing that as my soul became more satisfied in Him.
Our pastor began teaching us about grieving out the pain of the past and telling our story. I told a lot of my story and grieved a lot but still did not pray about the eating.
Shortly after our church started my Daughter loaned me the book Weigh Down. I skimmed through it and read the part how to feed your stomach and that was the only part I paid attention to. My performance, not the spiritual principles. Once again I lost the 15 pounds I had gained only to quickly regain it plus 15 more pounds. At this point I was driving home from work after weighing and began crying and grieving and yelling and telling God I can't do this anymore, God, this has messed up my whole life. I need your help. All I had to do was ask. He then intervened. I read the Weigh Down book again and this time studied the spiritual principles and prayed about my eating. This time the weight came off. There was then a lot of controversy about Weigh Down and I began thinking maybe I shouldn't be doing this and got very confused. At that point my Daughter loaned me another book using the hunger fullness principles. This book is the plan I have continued to use and I lost the last few pounds. My weight bounced around for awhile and finally settled where it is now at my normal bmi. The weight has stayed off now for almost 4 years. When I gain 2 or 3 pounds it is a spiritual thermometer. I am usually focusing too much on food, not facing my pain and grieving it out, or getting up and eating instead of making God my top priority of the day. I also get out the hunger graph and record my hunger numbers for at least a week and find that I am slipping and really not eating 0 to 5.
Group support is of essence for me. I have a couple of live support groups and do online TW forums and classes. I know in this area I have to keep myself accountable and like the book of James says confess my faults to someone so they can pray for me.
I will continue to post about lessons the Lord is teaching me. My prayer is that at least one person will be helped and that God will be glorified.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
breakfast
I have struggled with breakfast. I want to eat as soon as I get out of bed whether I am at a 0 or not. I changed my morning routine and started getting dressed, drinking some water and then doing some Bible study. Then I am not eating until I hit 0. I am amazed how good the food tastes when I am truly hungry. Also it is later, like 8am before I sense true hunger. Then it is noon before I am hungry again. The Bread of Life is starting my day much better and sustaining me so much better than physical bread.
A little more of my story.
After going through this episode of anorexia I ate more and gained some of the weight back. Then when I was 16 years old Mom died of cancer. I felt nauseated most of the time and was unable to eat very much so maintained my weight throughout Highschool. I will say that having the weight off I felt a little better about myself and doors opened that may not have if I had stayed so heavy. For one thing I had a date for the prom and was able to participate it phys ed without feeling self conscious. Also I filled out papers and was interviewed and accepted into Nursing school. During 3 years of Nursing School we got all 3 meals in the cafeteria. There was a lot of good food readily available. I took nutrition and learned a lot about different diets for weight loss and disease. When I gained a little I would put myself on a 1200 calorie diet. I told the cooks in the cafeteria and they fixed just the right amount for all 3 meals which was great.
I fluctuated by 20 pounds during that time but never got extremely overweight even though it was a struggle. I dated and married a young man during the last 6 months of school. I did this more out of loneliness than anything and the marriage ended in divorce in less than 2 years.
I will tell you more later, once again hoping someone will be helped. I will try to also include something that is helpful to me presently that you may use if so led by the Lord.
A little more of my story.
After going through this episode of anorexia I ate more and gained some of the weight back. Then when I was 16 years old Mom died of cancer. I felt nauseated most of the time and was unable to eat very much so maintained my weight throughout Highschool. I will say that having the weight off I felt a little better about myself and doors opened that may not have if I had stayed so heavy. For one thing I had a date for the prom and was able to participate it phys ed without feeling self conscious. Also I filled out papers and was interviewed and accepted into Nursing school. During 3 years of Nursing School we got all 3 meals in the cafeteria. There was a lot of good food readily available. I took nutrition and learned a lot about different diets for weight loss and disease. When I gained a little I would put myself on a 1200 calorie diet. I told the cooks in the cafeteria and they fixed just the right amount for all 3 meals which was great.
I fluctuated by 20 pounds during that time but never got extremely overweight even though it was a struggle. I dated and married a young man during the last 6 months of school. I did this more out of loneliness than anything and the marriage ended in divorce in less than 2 years.
I will tell you more later, once again hoping someone will be helped. I will try to also include something that is helpful to me presently that you may use if so led by the Lord.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
humility
I had been praying and seeking the Lord because I had gained a couple of pounds and crying out to Him about what a struggle this is and has been nearly my entire life.
The answer I got was that when I am off track, as all of us get offtrack sometimes, it is a lack of humility. I get too confident and start relying on my own strength and my own performance instead of on Him.
The other things He has shown me are that everything will fall into line in my life when I truly put Him first and that when my motive is His glory instead of my own this will work. When I do these things not only will the weight come off but it will stay off. So my struggle is not to lose weight but to put Him and His desires above my own and to walk in humility and obedience.
My motives can't be to look cute, fit into a certain size, have people praise me, or to get attention. My motives must be for His glory.
Having said this, I will tell you a little about the bout with anorexia when I was about 14.
When I released all of this weight I got lots of attention. People telling me how good I looked and noticing me for the first time in a positive way. My Mother even started being nicer to me and bought me some new clothes. I thought if thin was good thinner would be better. I dieted until I weighed 117 which according to the bmi charts would be ok but for someone with my bone structure it is not enough. My ribs and clavicle stuck out, my pelvic bones protruded, menses stopped, my hair fell out and I became hypothyroid. My Mother took me to the Doctor. Back then there was not a term anorexia that I knew of. The Doctor told me I was too thin. He told me about what he thought I should weigh. Since I dieted because the boys at school said awful things about my body, my mind was very sensitive to what anyone said about this. Thank God the Doctor did tell me this, though, because I started eating a little more because I believed him. the bout with anorexia lasted only for about a year. I am so glad as I have seen others who have died from this.
When I continue my story I will tell about the chronic dieting and episodes of bulimia.
The answer I got was that when I am off track, as all of us get offtrack sometimes, it is a lack of humility. I get too confident and start relying on my own strength and my own performance instead of on Him.
The other things He has shown me are that everything will fall into line in my life when I truly put Him first and that when my motive is His glory instead of my own this will work. When I do these things not only will the weight come off but it will stay off. So my struggle is not to lose weight but to put Him and His desires above my own and to walk in humility and obedience.
My motives can't be to look cute, fit into a certain size, have people praise me, or to get attention. My motives must be for His glory.
Having said this, I will tell you a little about the bout with anorexia when I was about 14.
When I released all of this weight I got lots of attention. People telling me how good I looked and noticing me for the first time in a positive way. My Mother even started being nicer to me and bought me some new clothes. I thought if thin was good thinner would be better. I dieted until I weighed 117 which according to the bmi charts would be ok but for someone with my bone structure it is not enough. My ribs and clavicle stuck out, my pelvic bones protruded, menses stopped, my hair fell out and I became hypothyroid. My Mother took me to the Doctor. Back then there was not a term anorexia that I knew of. The Doctor told me I was too thin. He told me about what he thought I should weigh. Since I dieted because the boys at school said awful things about my body, my mind was very sensitive to what anyone said about this. Thank God the Doctor did tell me this, though, because I started eating a little more because I believed him. the bout with anorexia lasted only for about a year. I am so glad as I have seen others who have died from this.
When I continue my story I will tell about the chronic dieting and episodes of bulimia.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
my story
Today I will tell a little more of my story and hope someone can relate.
I ended with age 8. I continued to overeat and have a relationship with food. Food was my friend that was always there to comfort me and make me feel better. It also isolated me so really was not my friend. I was unable to participate in sports or run hard and play like the other children. Plus I was the only overweight child in my class. Of course I got bullied a lot. I think overweight children are bullied worse than any other group of children. My nickname was bloat. The abuse was so bad I hid in the classroom during recess and peeked out the window at the other children to watch them play. My Mother made special clothes for me or altered them. At least my sisters and brother never picked on me at home about my weight but seemed to accept me.
When I was 12 years old I weighed 185 pounds. I am 5'2".
I overhearn my Mom and one of her friends talking about a diet in which you ate one portion of what you want for lunch and split breakfast between supper and breakfast. I thought that was a good idea. By now the teachers at school were even making little comments to me and suttle hints about my weight. I felt pretty unloved and unaccepted. My Mother and I were not getting along during this period of time either.
I started this diet I heard my Mom and her friend talking about. I did this with no support. In fact we had an Aunt living with us that said in front of the whole family that I would not stick with it and made a kind of face to which noone came to my defense.
I ate toast and juice for breakfast, ate school lunch and a bowl of cereal for supper and rode my bicycle for about an hour every evening. I continued to do this every day never letting up.
By my 14th Birthday I weighed 117 pounds. My motive was for the other children to quit making fun of me. I decided I would diet until they stopped calling me names.
The next part of my story will tell how I then had a bout with anorexia.
I ended with age 8. I continued to overeat and have a relationship with food. Food was my friend that was always there to comfort me and make me feel better. It also isolated me so really was not my friend. I was unable to participate in sports or run hard and play like the other children. Plus I was the only overweight child in my class. Of course I got bullied a lot. I think overweight children are bullied worse than any other group of children. My nickname was bloat. The abuse was so bad I hid in the classroom during recess and peeked out the window at the other children to watch them play. My Mother made special clothes for me or altered them. At least my sisters and brother never picked on me at home about my weight but seemed to accept me.
When I was 12 years old I weighed 185 pounds. I am 5'2".
I overhearn my Mom and one of her friends talking about a diet in which you ate one portion of what you want for lunch and split breakfast between supper and breakfast. I thought that was a good idea. By now the teachers at school were even making little comments to me and suttle hints about my weight. I felt pretty unloved and unaccepted. My Mother and I were not getting along during this period of time either.
I started this diet I heard my Mom and her friend talking about. I did this with no support. In fact we had an Aunt living with us that said in front of the whole family that I would not stick with it and made a kind of face to which noone came to my defense.
I ate toast and juice for breakfast, ate school lunch and a bowl of cereal for supper and rode my bicycle for about an hour every evening. I continued to do this every day never letting up.
By my 14th Birthday I weighed 117 pounds. My motive was for the other children to quit making fun of me. I decided I would diet until they stopped calling me names.
The next part of my story will tell how I then had a bout with anorexia.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
8 keys
For those who are not familiar with this way of eating I will tell you about the 8 keys to conscious eating that Thin Within teaches. As an adult I had to relearn how to eat. To not only pause, reflect, and pray before eating but to learn these concepts and put them into practice.
1. Eat only when my body is hungry. This means stomach hunger. That ache or growl or whatever your signal is.
2. Eat in a calm environment by reducing distractions. That is, turn off the tv, don't answer the phone etc. We tend to eat in a hurried manner if the environment is that way.
3. I ate when I was sitting. If I eat running through the house or driving in the car I tend to eat more.
4. I ate when my body and mind were relaxed. When I am relaxed I eat more slowly and enjoy the food more.
5. I ate and drank the things my body enjoyed. No more diet foods or food rules for me.
6. I paid attention to my food while eating. When I pay attention I not only enjoy my meal more, but also tend to eat more slowly.
7. I ate slowly savoring each bite. I have noticed it takes time for me to sense satisfaction. If I eat too fast I go beyond that point.
8. I stopped before my body was full. To me this is when the hunger disappears. If I eat to the point of slight fullness I have eaten too much.
It takes about a fistful, or some say a cupful, to reach that point.
I will tell more of my story at a later post. I wanted to share this today.
1. Eat only when my body is hungry. This means stomach hunger. That ache or growl or whatever your signal is.
2. Eat in a calm environment by reducing distractions. That is, turn off the tv, don't answer the phone etc. We tend to eat in a hurried manner if the environment is that way.
3. I ate when I was sitting. If I eat running through the house or driving in the car I tend to eat more.
4. I ate when my body and mind were relaxed. When I am relaxed I eat more slowly and enjoy the food more.
5. I ate and drank the things my body enjoyed. No more diet foods or food rules for me.
6. I paid attention to my food while eating. When I pay attention I not only enjoy my meal more, but also tend to eat more slowly.
7. I ate slowly savoring each bite. I have noticed it takes time for me to sense satisfaction. If I eat too fast I go beyond that point.
8. I stopped before my body was full. To me this is when the hunger disappears. If I eat to the point of slight fullness I have eaten too much.
It takes about a fistful, or some say a cupful, to reach that point.
I will tell more of my story at a later post. I wanted to share this today.
Monday, April 14, 2008
my story
I will tell you my story in several different writings. My hope and prayer is that God will be glorified and that someone that reads this will find help.
Perhaps my story is somewhat like your story.
My earliest memories of being overweight are when I was about 8 years old. I remember being larger than the other children. I know that I began a relationship with food even at that age. I sat in the back seat of the car after trick or treating and ate the whole bag of candy in about 10 minutes. I remember eating a whole stack of pancakes for supper and sneaking into my Moms desserts and eating a good portion before it could be served.
I think what triggered this was feeling ashamed of who I was and since negative emotional expresssions such as anger were not allowed in my home I learned to stuff them.
I fell and broke my nose when I was 5 and it was mashed to the side of my face. The plastic surgeeon would not do surgery until I reached my full growth so I spent my childhood looking very odd. I became ashamed of my face and always tried to keep my hand over my nose so noone could see how ugly I was.
That is enough of my story for today. Man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart.
For those of us who have struggled with eating disorders there is usually an emotional hurt underneath. If we can get to the root of that and grieve out the hurt and bring our honest feelings before the Lord He will begin to heal us.
Perhaps my story is somewhat like your story.
My earliest memories of being overweight are when I was about 8 years old. I remember being larger than the other children. I know that I began a relationship with food even at that age. I sat in the back seat of the car after trick or treating and ate the whole bag of candy in about 10 minutes. I remember eating a whole stack of pancakes for supper and sneaking into my Moms desserts and eating a good portion before it could be served.
I think what triggered this was feeling ashamed of who I was and since negative emotional expresssions such as anger were not allowed in my home I learned to stuff them.
I fell and broke my nose when I was 5 and it was mashed to the side of my face. The plastic surgeeon would not do surgery until I reached my full growth so I spent my childhood looking very odd. I became ashamed of my face and always tried to keep my hand over my nose so noone could see how ugly I was.
That is enough of my story for today. Man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart.
For those of us who have struggled with eating disorders there is usually an emotional hurt underneath. If we can get to the root of that and grieve out the hurt and bring our honest feelings before the Lord He will begin to heal us.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Holy struggle
As I just read in the book Thin Again by Arthur and Judy Halliday, This is indeed a Holy struggle.
The flesh versus the Spirit. The flesh wants to overeat and go to food for emotional needs. The Lord wants me to have self control and do all things for the glory of God.
As I go to the Lord to meet my needs the desire for food becomes less.
When I ask Him for ways of escape and to lead me not into temptation but deliver me from evil, He will gladly repond. My part is to heed His voice and obey Him and not what my flesh wants.
The flesh versus the Spirit. The flesh wants to overeat and go to food for emotional needs. The Lord wants me to have self control and do all things for the glory of God.
As I go to the Lord to meet my needs the desire for food becomes less.
When I ask Him for ways of escape and to lead me not into temptation but deliver me from evil, He will gladly repond. My part is to heed His voice and obey Him and not what my flesh wants.
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